How do I turn this on? Wait, is that thing supposed to fall on the ground? Never mind, I can read it sideways, it’s all good.
My name is Dud, and Mum said I could borrow her computer for a minute to say hello. Mum tells people I’m Dud, like “that dog’s a Dud”, but I don’t know what that means. I think it means handsome, because everyone agrees and they all agree I’m handsome. By the way, did you know I’m handsome? It’s true, everybody tells me I am. They also say I stink, so I think that’s another word for handsome, because they always tell me I stink, too.
Mum says that I’m accident-prone, but I don’t know what she means. It’s not my fault that walls jump out at me and branches walk into me and fences bite me. Mum is forever putting bandages on me and taking me to that nasty man with the needles and the stinging stuff. I don’t like that man, he does hurty things to me. I’m shuddering just thinking about him!
I have a lot of friends, did you know that? I think it’s because I’m handsome. Did I mention that I’m handsome? I must be, everyone tells me I am. Joey doesn’t like me though, he always growls at me and tells me to go away and leave him alone. Doesn’t he realise I’m handsome? It makes me so sad, because I just want to say hello to Mum and Joey yells at me.
I’m very smart and adorable too. I know it’s true, because everyone tells me so. Mum also tells me I’m an idiot, so I think that’s another word for smart and handsome. And what does ‘dramatic’ mean? I get called that a lot too. Is that the same as handsome?
Oh, gotta go, there’s a cat coming and they’re scary! Yikes!”